I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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