so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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