we have officially lost it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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