it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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