WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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