It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
