It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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