too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
