Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
