i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
