Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize