You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You're like the curious george of whores
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
