Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
