Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
