Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
