Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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