i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
