Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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