I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize