I didn't shave. On purpose
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Someone came in the potted fern
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
