even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
