Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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