someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
