it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
