i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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