I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
