It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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