I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
