So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
