mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
