I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
