he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
