you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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