she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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