Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i've created a new STD.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
