I hope mine doesn't look like that
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize