Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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