I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
