Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
