forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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