take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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