What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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