Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
