Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
