So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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