If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
