she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
