I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
