Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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