Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
