I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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