She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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