That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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