I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
