i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
