are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
