just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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