Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
