I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
