This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
