I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
