I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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