Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I came so hard my ears popped.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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