You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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