Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
